Receiving Line Etiquette

The receiving line developed from the ancient belief that brides and grooms had the power to spread good luck among wedding guests on the day of the ceremony. Specifically, they shared that good luck through touch. Each wedding guest was given a chance to press hands with the bride and groom.

In modern times, many brides and grooms wonder who's in the receiving line. This can vary, depending on who hosted the wedding and who participated in the wedding. Some receiving lines are made up only of females with the exception of the groom, so you might have a receiving line like this: MOB, bride, groom, bridesmaid, bridesmaid, bridesmaid. If nothing else, the bride and groom must take part. The most common receiving lines are made up of the parents of the bride and groom, the bride and groom themselves, and their attendants. Sometimes attendants do not participate -- this is for the best, we think, as longer receiving lines can eat into the reception!

Why have a receiving line? Many couples often pass on this and prefer to "make the rounds" greeting their guests during the wedding dinner. A receiving line gives you and your new spouse a chance to greet each and every one of your wedding guests and gives your guests a chance to hug and congratulate you on your new life status. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of greeting each of your guests, just remember that they have come to your wedding to honor you, and saying hello to each of them is the least you can do in return.


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Wedding Invitation Basics

Shopping for wedding invitations is fun insofar as learning all about different sorts of inks and papers and fonts is fun. Learning all about wedding invitation etiquette is slightly less fun. Why? Well, what sounds more engaging -- sitting down with your stationery designer to choose floral embellishments for your thank you cards or looking up when you should start sending your invitations? Some brides- and grooms-to-be find the whole process daunting! Is it offensive to write Dr. instead of Doctor? What if you know unmarried couples who live together? It's a lot to take in!

Invitation Etiquette
Wedding invitations should only be sent to those friends, relatives and acquaintances who are to be present at the ceremony. You may be tempted to invite individuals you are sure will never, ever show up, but is it worth it to run the risk of having 20 extra people at $75 a head? Most people are not offended to hear they haven't been invited to a wedding, and they may even send a gift anyway!

Invite people you care for, not necessarily people you feel an obligation to invite. When the wedding is to be a large church affair, invitations are sent to all those whose names appear on the visiting lists of the two families including relatives and friends of the bride and groom. With regard to business associates, the invitation should be extended because of friendship, not the business connection.

For a home wedding, more discrimination can be shown in the issuing of invitations. Intimate friends and relatives of both families are invited, but no casual acquaintances need be invited if space is limited. Don't pack people in! If your home can comfortably hold 50 guests, then invite only that number.

The Invitation List
It is the responsibility of the bride- and groom-to-be to make the initial list of invitees, though they should be aware that their parents and grandparents may also begin inviting people via word-of-mouth. To avoid any fighting, sit down with relatives to discuss who you think should be invited and who they think should be invited. Compromise will probably be necessary.

If the wedding is to be a large affair, not only their friends but the friends of their parents should be extended an invitations, and business acquaintances of both families can be invited, but only if you can afford it comfortably. If the wedding is a small one, great care should be taken lest the guests are so numerous as to overcrowd the church or home. Remember, few people take offense at not being invited to a wedding.

Mailing the Wedding Invitation
All wedding invitations should come from the home of the bride, even if the bride is outsourcing her envelopes to a calligraphy service. If you're having your wedding in an exotic locale or far away from your hometown, or if your friends and relatives living at some distance away, consider sending out save-the-date cards to give everyone invited time to make travel arrangements. The wedding invitations themselves should be mailed about six weeks before the wedding, and you should ask that guests RSVP no later than two weeks before the event.

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Bridal Shower Etiquette

Tradition holds that the first bridal shower was thrown for a Dutch bride who married below her station. She loved the village miller, but her wealthy father had other ideas about who she should marry. As is often the case in these old tales, she ran away with her beloved miller, causing her father to disown her and withhold her dowry. The bride didn't mind being poor, as long as she had her miller at her side, but life was hard.

Their low fortune didn't last for long, however, because the villagers took pity on the newlyweds because the miller had always been unfailingly kind to them. They "showered" the bride and groom with gifts, thereby starting a tradition that has lasted for centuries!

In the modern day, showers have evolved and become more relaxed, but there are still certain rules of bridal shower etiquette that should be observed. Since there will almost always be a variety of attendees there -- friends, family and coworkers in most cases -- it's important to understand how everyone should interact. Mothers and grandmothers in particular can place a great deal of importance on proper bridal shower etiquette, so make sure you know what the rules are!

Here are a few:

• The bride should never, ever host her own shower. Additionally, it is considered bad form to have a relative host. Typically, this responsibility falls to the MOH and the bridesmaids.
• Don't badger potential guests with registry information or tell them exactly what to gift to buy. A bridal shower is a party that is concerned with gifts, but don't turn it into a frantic gift grab!
• Keep the shower relatively small, and make sure that everyone invited to the shower is invited to the wedding. Excluding shower guests from the main event is just plain mean.

Unfortunately, that's not all there is to know -- who'd have thought that planning a low-key party could be so complicated? Look for more on bridal shower etiquette at the preceding link.